Buhzzerd with Rabies (NOT)

As most rehabbers do, we get calls of all kinds of people. Some sad, some that make us angry, others that make us laugh. Some may make you laugh. We thought we might share a few with you, here and there, on this blog, as long as they are not hurtful to the person who called.
This story, of one of our calls, is meant to make you laugh. Understand, it truly is not meant to put anybody down (note we do not use names ever), just to give you a laugh.
The caller’s voice should be heard in a very heavy southern accent. Not like an antebellum accent, but a very backwoods southern accent. Without this accent, the story really isn’t so funny.

Ring

Me, “CLAWS, may I help you?”

Caller, “yeah, I got a buhzzerd in ma backyawrd and its haid is all red and it’s got thet thar raybies”

Me, “sir, birds do not get rabies” (ok, technically they apparently can, but they do not pass it to humans, and it’s not certain that they do)

Caller, “but this is a buhzzerd”

Me, “yes, I know sir, and birds do not get rabies”

Caller, “but it’s a buhzzerd” (getting more insistent)

Me, “ok sir, does this buzzard have feathers?”

Caller, “well a course it duz, it’s a buhzzerd”

Me, “sir, if it has feathers, then it is a bird and it does not have rabies”

Caller, “well then it’s got thet thar west nahle virus”

Me, “sir, west Nile virus comes from mosquitoes, not birds”

Caller, “then it’s got thet thar burd flu”

Me, “sir, we do not have bird flu in this country yet”

Caller, “well, its gunna gimme sumpin”

Me, “sir, what is the bird doing, so far, all you have told me is that a turkey vulture, they all have red heads, is in your back yard”

Caller, “it’s got a red head, it has raybies! We caught it in a nyet, you need to come git it”

At this point I realized the best thing for the bird was to just get it out of there.
Me, “sir, can you tell me where you live please?”

Caller, “in across from the nursary”

I’m thinking a place that grows plants and that there is probably more than one in this city? AND that I’m not going to get these directions easily, so it’s best to pass the phone to Vinny, he’s better with directions.

After several minutes of trying to get directions to his street, “Mill Crake”, Vinny just asked for an address so that we could GPS it, getting directions from a man who had obviously lived in this town for his whole life and thought that everybody knew were every business was, wasn’t going to work. Especially since this isn’t the city we live in and we aren’t from here.

So, off all four of us went, because it typically takes more than a couple of people to capture a vulture.

After passing 4 plant nurseries in this small city, I realized it was a REALLY good thing we GPSed this address AND that the “nursary” was a daycare.

When we got there, we found a perfectly healthy turkey vulture, tangled to pieces in a huge piece of net, rolling all over the yard, getting more and more tangled. We got the bird out, put it in a carrier and left, the man still insisting it had “raybies”

Usually the most interesting part of rehabbing is the humans and the misconceptions of animals that they have.

We hope you took this blog in good humor, as it was meant. The vulture is now living wild, healthy with a new vulture family!