Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Every Guy's Dream Job

Oy Vey! Boy am I tired! I just want to sleep for about a month. But this strange blonde lady won’t leave me alone ‘til I write this. Apparently the mammals elected me to write this week’s blog because I was the only one not at the meeting. Somehow I’m thinkin’ this is unfair. I guess I should introduce myself. I am Twizzler, CLAWS’s spotted skunk. I think perhaps the person who “discovered” us was maybe a heavy drinker since I have looked and I don’t have any spots. I have swirly stripes. I guess Spotted Skunk is easer to say than Swirly Striped Skunk. Try saying that three times fast.

Do you know what kind of pressure there is to be responsible for keeping your species from disappearing? Of course you don’t. You humans breed like rabbits. You’re everywhere; you certainly aren’t endangered. But spotted skunks are. In Florida we are classified as “threatened”. Kindra says we’re listed as “rare” here in North Carolina, but no one is allowed to help my wild cousins. People are a little squirrely about skunks here. We are a very misunderstood animal.

See, in Florida, they get us. They understand we are important for a healthy environment. (We are not rabid monsters who are after your children.) They contacted CLAWS and asked them to see if I would help save my species by mating and making more of me. Are they kidding? The blonde says we have to keep this G-rated, so let me try to be delicate…But seriously, isn’t that every guy’s dream job? I just wish they’d’ve asked me sooner. That is a lot of pressure for an old man. They don’t make little blue pills for skunks.

So that’s why I’m so tired and just want to sleep for a month. I just got back from South Carolina where I did my best to be an overachiever in the Romeo department. She was smilin’ when I left, so we’ll have to wait and see.

I am happy to report that in the Sponsorship Contest between the mammals and the birds, the mammals are winning! Currently the score stands at Mammals – 7 and Birds – 5. We want to keep that streak going. So if there is anybody out there who could find a soft spot in your heart for an old man under a lot of pressure and pony up $100 for my sponsorship fee, that would make me and my mammal friends very happy.

Ok, now I am going to sleep for about a month. I hope I have a sponsor when I wake up. Goodnight people.


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