Hello humans. I was supposed to do this last week, but I was too busy trying to rip that annoying man’s face off. [that would be Vinny] I wish these stupid feathers would hurry up and finish growing in so I can get the flight out of here. ‘Course, first I gotta figure out HOW to fly. My first attempt didn’t go so good. I kept buggin’ mom that I was ready for flight school. She said I had to wait til all my feathers grew in. I got feathers! Mom insisted they weren’t the right kind of feathers. I figured she was fibbin’ cuz she didn’t want to teach me how to fly cuz she was too busy doing mom stuff. Apparently not.
You shoulda seen me tho. I launched myself off that branch into the air and for just a moment, everything was great! Whee! I’m flyin! Yeah, right. Next thing I knew I was dropping faster than a pellet. As a matter of fact, that is exactly what I landed on…a pile of pellets at the bottom of our tree. Then to make matters worse, Mom flies down to inform me that there is no way for her to get me back up in the nest and this is what I get for not listening to her in the first place. Well, pellets.
So I had to wait for some human to find me. Just for the record, you guys need to grow some feathers…you are all very ugly up close. The stuff nightmares are made of. Anyway, I ended up here at CLAWS. They don’t have any feathers either. They promise to let me go as soon as I can prove that I can fly and catch my own food. I don’t believe them. But I am workin on my plan to escape. I will make them fear for their lives. Then they will let me go to save themselves. Altho they do feed me good things.
There are 3 other young owls and a hawk being held prisoner with me in the juvi wing. Rumor has it there are other raptors being held in a different section of the compound. If you would like to help keep me in comfort while I am being held captive until my feathers come in, you can contact firstname.lastname@example.org and sponsor me [raptor rehab sponsor fee is $150]. If you sponsor one of the other raptors, you will be allowed to “toss it” back to freedom when the time comes. If you choose to sponsor me, the lady says you can set somebody else free. My plan is working and she is already afraid of me. She should be. I may not be able to fly yet, but I can kill her. She is afraid I will hurt a regular person. Not sure who the “regular” people are, but you are all fair game as far as I am concerned. If I never see another human up close and personal after I am set free, it will be just fine with me!